The Revelations of Minister Skyddz by E.J. Vance

Saint Helen

The Revelations of Minister Skyddz by E.J. Vance

Posted on Classifieds for MySpace - Over 4 weeks ago

Price:: Free

Category:: Books & Magazines

Location:: Salt Lake City, UT

Features & Description

A humorous rewrite of the Bible. God is represented by the Right Front Finger, is also a Biker, and diddles his way through Creation. Along the way... meeting the ArchAngels who become his Band/Motorcycle Club....there are also some unforgetable women, some life and some death firsts!
Available for download (only $4.99) IMMEDIATELY in HTML, ADOBE reader, and MOBI formats, at:

http://www.swimmingkangaroo.com/revelations.html#purchaseamazon.com

Here's a taste.....

THE GENESIS

CHAPTER 15
1. ...AND; IT CAME TO PASS; THAT THE ANGELS' PARTAKING WITHIN PROPRIETY'S ROADHOUSE; TURN-D WITH A WILDNESS HITHER-TO UNSURPASS-D; AND; THEY WENT WITH IT! AND; WELL BEFORE ITS END; PLOTTED THEY A MUSE; UNTO GOD; THE MIGHTY; AND; A PROPER JEST; AND; SOON AFTER THE BEGINNING OF THE EQUINOX; FOR GOD TO CONFRONT...
2. ...AND; UNTO GOD; THEY SENT MESSENGER; AND; PARCEL; AND; THE PARCEL WAST A SCROLL; WRITTEN; AND; AN OMEN UNTO THE EYES OF GOD; SAYING: "LO! DUDE! ...THOU WAST BLASTED LAST NIGHT! ...DIDST THOU TAKE ABLE TO WED?! ...UNTO THINE OWN SELF? ...IT IST OF TRUTH; A BOGGLEMENT ...AND; A THING TO POKE AT THOU! ...COMO EST TU LOCO?!"...
3. ...AND; GOD FRETTED; ND'RING; "BOGGLEMENT? ...POKE? ...LOCO?! ...A THING; OR TWO SHALT THEY LEARNETH; AND; WHAT-FOR SHALT THEY BE SHOWN!" BUT; GOD DID HESITATE; IN THE WONDER OF IT; THINKING: "AM I SELFSTRUCK? ...SURELY ABLE HATH
SENSE OF HUMOR?!”...
4. ...THUS; CAME GOD; TO AN EARLY RIDING; AND; UNTO ABLE-GIGGLER; SEEKING RELEASE; AND; ANNULMENT. BUT; PARK-D ONCE MORE AT THE ROADHOUSE; GOD WAST DISAPPOINTED: ABLE HATH NO SENSE OF HUMOR. AND; ALMOST; GOD WHINNIED...BUT; NOT QUITE...
5. ...FOR; THOUGH HATH ABLE; GOD; OVER THE BARREL; AND THE ANGELS RAVING LAUGHTER THERE-UNTO; ABLE WAST GOOD-OF-SPORT, AND; MERCIFUL OF HEART; AND; SEEING THE PROSTRATENESS OF GOD; YEP; VERILY, SHE DID LAUGH ...SAYING, AS THE ANGELS HATH BIDDEN HER "HOLY-DUDE! APRIL-FOOL!" AND; GOD EXHALE-D; THE MUSIC OF RELIEF; SAYING: "NOW; THAT IST GOOD!"...
CHAPTER 16
1. ...AND; THE RIGHT FRONT FINGER; POINTED; AMIDST THE GATHERED ANGELS; AND; VOICE ROSE; SAYING: "WHOM; AMONGST THEE THINKETH TO BARE NADS IN THE FACE OF GOD?" AND; SAY-TH THE ANGELS: "OOPS!” AND; “DANG!” AND; "WHOM LET-TH-OUT THY DOGS?"...
2. ...AND; THE ANGELS TREMBLE-D; WHINNYING LOUDLY. BUT; THEIR LAUGHING STILL LAY BENEATH; AND; THE COUNTENANCE OF GOD, SEEMD NOT SO GOOD; INDEED; THE EYE OF GOD WAST SHOTTHROUGH; WITH THUNDER AND; ALSO; WITH LIGHT'NIN'; AND; GOD SAID UNTO THEM: "PRANCETH THOU FORTH, HERR DER LAGE; THOU; PRANKSTER: PUT THY DUKES BEFORE THOU; DUDE! MEETETH THY MAKER!”...
3. ...AND; CHOKING ON HIS SPINACH; ONE ANGEL DID STEPPETH FORWARD; AND; GOD SAY-TH UNTO HIM: "DUDE; THY BITCHIN TESTOSTERONE SURPASSES; BUT; DUDE; DIG THOU THIS!" AND; LAID GOD A RIGHTEOUS RIGHT-CROSS UPON HIS LEFT EYE ...DEVASTATING
HIS COUNTENANCE; BUT; TRULY PROPER; SAYING: "THOU'RT LUCKY, DUDE; ' ONLY SET T'STUN!"...AND; KILT HIM NOT...

“Be careful with this, you could start a new religion”
~Piers Anthony

Also available for purchase in paperback at:

http://www.amazon.com/Revelations-Minister-Skyddz-E-J-Vance/dp/1934041742/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251336659&sr=8-1

Also at:

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Revelations-Of-Minister-Skyddz/EJ-Vance/e/9781934041741/?itm=1

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